Who Am I?

My name is Sarah. I’m 29 and just your average person with average gripes.

I work full time Monday to Friday and spend my weekends doing what most people do. Eating, drinking and wishing weekends had 4 instead of 2 days.

I have no writing experience at all unless I can put writing Facebook Status’s on my writing CV or being made to repeat lines at school.

I am your typical deflector, when something bad happens I try and make a joke of it hence the blog. I try and put a humorous spin on things that annoy me so they don’t seem like problems any more. Whilst it may seem like a blog full of me moaning I’m trying to find humour in what I perceive as negatives.

Laughter is the best medicine, I try not to take life to seriously, its too short for that.

I hope you enjoy the blog (even if it is grammatically incorrect at times).

Sarah

xxx

Why is it wrong to be selfish?!

I’ve found myself lately questioning everyone else’s expectations of me.

How many times have we all been told we are selfish? How many times are we being told to also look after ourselves, put ourselves first? Bit of a contradiction?!

For someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I can tell you now every decision I make I think about how other people are perceiving it, judge it, talk about it etc.

Well, I’m making a stand to say who gives a shit?!

The definition of selfish is: ‘(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.’

So if I’m having a terrible day and don’t turn up at your party or event yes I am ‘concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure’ because, why shouldn’t I be. If I’m having a day were leaving the house is going to make me miserable and anxious why am I forcing myself, literally feeling sick, because I don’t want to upset people? Who is being selfish in this situation? Why can’t I be selfish?

I’m actually self-titled ‘a flake’ now because I was so sick of other people calling it to me for not turning up. How would you react if I said, I’m having a really low day, I’m not feeling up to it? Guarantee the response is, ‘come on it will cheer you up’. Really?! Will it?! Are you being selfish wanting me there to make up numbers or am I being selfish not coming because I’m having a bad day?

People don’t think twice to ask you to do something for them? Is that being selfish, or am I being selfish if I say no, I haven’t got the time? Are they being selfish knowing ill say yes because I never want to let anyone down?

If I’m having a party and I ask you to BOYB am I selfish for not supplying you all with alcohol or are you selfish turning up empty-handed expecting me to pay for the £30 bottle of gin you’re about to drink? Or am I selfish for throwing a party without having the financial capability to fully cater to everyone?

People leave relationships because they are not happy, some for many years. What do people call them? Selfish. Please explain why? Because they have put themselves first for once?! Or were they ‘concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit’.

People move to other countries, towns, cities whatever, they are called selfish for leaving their families and not being there at the drop of a hat. Is it not more selfish to not let them go and further themselves because again they have put themselves first for once?! Yet again is this them being ‘concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit’.

If I have people over for dinner am I selfish for not inviting the entire friendship group?

Where does it end?!

I’m sick of overthinking EVERYTHING out of fear of pissing someone off!

Next time you throw the word SELFISH at someone stop and think. Are they selfish or are they putting themselves first for once in their life? I for one will be taking SELFISH as a compliment from now on because for once in my life I’m putting myself and my needs first!

P.S if you have invited me to any of your parties there is a 50/50 chance of me coming.

Ciao for now!

It’s been a while!

So, I’m the first to admit its been a while!

Planning a wedding and work being really busy has meant by the time I get home and cook dinner all I want to do is chill but I’m back!

So I’ll start with the wedding itself. It was the most amazing day from what I can remember. I had visions of me staying really classy until the evening guests arrived and then getting well oiled. Instead, I drank 4 bottles of champagne before the ceremony from 8am and staggered down the aisle then proceeded to do shots the second I came out of the chapel, bit the head off my cake and made an absolute show of myself.

This is Connie below before I bit her face off!

I think this picture taken shortly after the meal shows how successful the sober plan was.

I have no recollection of my first dance, the band, the DJ or basically anything after the meal! I don’t recall this photo being taken and it’s still light outside!

From all recollections, everyone had a fab time!

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We took a week off after the wedding to come down to earth and allow the alcohol to leave our system. Rehab may have been a better option however as we just ended up drinking another 3 or 4 times in that week!

We did have an unreal meal at The wilderness thanks to Charlie’s sister and my new sister in law and her partner! I cannot recommend it enough! The tasting menu was unreal and the atmosphere is amazing. The staff were extremely attentive. The best culinary experience I’ve had so far!

So what else has happened? I now have another Nephew called Arthur who was born 6 days before the wedding. My sister called me to say ‘don’t panic but I think im in labour’ I got there within 20 minutes and she was contracting every 3 minutes and she told me not to panic! A few hours later we were holding baby Arthur. It was the most amazing thing to witness other than holding Hannahs’s hand and telling her not to worry about hurting me at which point she bit me, not really what I meant but im sure it hurt less than what she was going through! I won’t lie I was bloody relieved he came just in time, I had visions of slipping over Hannah’s waters down the aisle and breaking a leg!

It’s 2 weeks today until the honeymoon and I cannot wait to be sat on the beach in St Lucia drinking a cocktail trying not to get harpooned! The Carribean, in particular, St Lucia is an absolute dream location so I feel like I’ve won the lottery being able to go there and especially to a sandals resort! I’ll be making the most of the super all-inclusive let me tell you!

That’s it for now. I’m sure ill have some tales to tell after the honeymoon I just wanted to check in and let you all know im still alive.

Until next time Ciao for now xxx

Entering a new decade….

So, Its caught up with me, the big 30 and I cannot wait to see what it has in store! I think it’s going to be interesting in maybe 5-10 years from now looking back at my first blog posts and seeing how much has changed. I actually think my 30’s will be my best years. Your ’20s are about finding out who you are and honestly, your 30’s probably are too but just with giving less of a shit what other people think.

So how did I spend my birthday? The only logical way, In Amsterdam. What a bloody eye opener that was.

So what did I discover?

  • I live in the wrong country
  • I can’t drink without taking a nap in ever bar
  • I can sleep anywhere
  • Hangovers are horrendous (not that I hadn’t figured that one out)
  • I really should cycle, noone is overweight even though weed is openly smoked, a LOT
  • Walking through the red light district just made me want to ‘rescue’ all the girls. This is probably the time to point out that I’d hope they are there voluntarily and make 4x what I earn per day minimum
  • I love the bike taxi’s
  • Bitterballen are life
  • Clogs are not practical footwear to wear around Amsterdam unless you want completely bruised feet

I am however fully milking this birthday and throwing myself a Snoop Dogg bbq. I’ve drawn myself  Snoop Birthday board for people to sign, wearing Snoop clothing, Playing Snoops music, Basically, it’s all about me and Snoop!

With the realisation I’m no longer in my 20’s I did consider changing the name of the blog since 29 is no longer relevant but who cares!

I feel like turning 30 puts a lot of pressure on a person. I’ve started to ask where is my life going? Should I be having kids? Where is my career going? Am I too old to be rapping in my kitchen at 2am full of gin? My conclusion is to carry on being selfish, do what I want and see what happens!

Anyway going to shoot I’ve got grey hairs to dye and voltarol to rub on my joints!

If anyone has any tips for the dirty 30’s please do share!

Its Ciao for now xxx

Things that are always a disappointment….

In the wake of the biggest disappointment known to man AKA the Game Of Thrones Final, I got thinking about other things I hype up in my head which never really satisfy in the way id built myself up for!

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  • Fake tan. I NEVER look like any of the girls on the ads, photo’s, youtube videos. I instead end up looking like I have vitiligo and not in the Winnie Harlow looking amazing way more in a kids staring and parents shushing them way! Day 1 I MAY look OK but by day 3/4 I’m a scaly disgusting lizard that has to wear a polo neck in July!
  • Any home acrylic kit ever. Just don’t. They will always look rank. Honestly, sitting having my cuticles drilled off by the local Chinese nail shop is a better option than the lumpy monstrosities I will do at home! Even better have them Gelled (I can recommend an unreal nail technician).
  • DIY Eyebrow Tint. Let me just tell you, combine this bullet point with bullet point one and hey presto, your eyebrows look like wotsits!
  • The number of crisps you get in a bag based on the size of the packet! Why have a big puffy bag only to break my heart with the 10 crisps in there!
  • McDonald’s. Why do I crave it so much because every time I eat it I think that was wack?! Then an hour later I feel sick and hungry again!
  • NYE! New years eve is built up to be the event of the year, we have so so so much expectation when the reality is every year is a disappointment. Maybe if I went into it with ‘this is going to be a crap night’ kind of attitude I may enjoy it more.
  • Birthdays. Especially birthday parties! OMG the pressure I put on myself on my birthday! How can I celebrate? Will anyone turn up? Will people be bored? What am I even celebrating I’m even older than yesterday!
  • Kitchen gadgets, I have a kitchen full of things ill never use. I have a vegetable spiralizer, who can be arsed! I have a chip cutter which is basically a criss-cross blade surrounded by plastic that makes life harder. I have a cheese grinder which again is basically a grater that makes life harder. The list goes on. Will I carry on buying this shit, yes!
  • My bank balance but that’s another story!
  • Trying somewhere new on just eat. This is such a gamble. Either its the best thing ever and you find a new takeaway you will be loyal to in the coming years or it takes like pig swill. There is no in-between!
  • When you take your push up bra off and your tits look like a cocker spaniels ears!
  • Watching a bartender in Spain get out a spirit measure! The only reason I go is for the freehand cocktails!
  • The job vs the job interview. The interview when they tell you about the perks, you get your birthday off, its a fun-loving environment, we have a table tennis table and do regular work nights out. The reality is everyone hates it, the table tennis hasn’t seen any action since 1994 and the only people on the work night out are those who have worked there for 20 years in the hope they will make it to senior sales one day!
  • Matt lipgloss. I wear this every day so let me tell you I am somewhat of an expert. These things look amazing but make your lips feel like they have been through some form of chemical dehydration process!Image result for matt gloss meme

That’s enough disappointment from me! Let me know what disappoints you unless it’s my blog posts in which case keep it to yourself!

Ciao for now xxx

 

Money doesn’t buy you happiness…..WHATEVER!

I forever hear the quote “money doesn’t buy you happiness!” and I, for one, think that is BULLSHIT!!!!

Do not get me wrong I am not saying money is the be all and end all. Having your health and the love of a good family is worth its weight in gold but allow me to point a few things out…..

  1. Food, food makes me EXTREMELY happy hence why I look like I ate a victoria secret model but do you know how I get food? With money! – Money makes me happy!
  2. Trips away. Holidays, breaks, even a night at the seaside makes me happy. I feel invigorated, refreshed and oh yea broke because even if I’m not venturing out of the UK you need to pay to sleep somewhere (unless you’re camping rurally in which case you’re braver than I am with the uncertainty of UK weather), Petrol, train or coach to get there! – Money makes me happy!
  3. I won’t lie, I can be fairly materialistic, not in the sense that possessions mean more to me than anything else, more that shopping is like my crack, there is no better feeling than buying a new outfit and wearing it for the first time as far as I’m concerned! I genuinely get a buzz from shopping, not just any shopping, online shopping. If I feel low or am stressed about being broke I shop to make myself feel better. I understand this only makes me more broke but in that second that I ‘proceed to checkout’ I feel euphoric!!!! – Money makes me happy!
  4. What do I need to pay my bills and mortgage, oh yes that’s right Money! Whilst bills DO NOT make me happy I have to pay them to live comfortably and not have a repossession agent turn up at my door! Am I happy if all of my bills are paid, Yes, therefore, you guessed it – Money makes me happy!
  5. As a female, looking like I’ve been stranded on a desert island and dragged around a jungle backwards by a tiger is something I try and avoid. Unfortunately, I am not someone who is naturally easy on the eye. In order to not scare the public when I leave the house I wear makeup and get my roots done, obviously, this is partly for me too as my confidence can often be found in the gutter somewhere but you know what I have to do in order to get these things? Spend money – Money makes me happy.
  6. Going out socialising. You have no idea how many social events I turn down because I’m skint?! LOADS! I have such FOMO it used to kill me inside. Now I just say no to basically everything because the truth is I CANT BLOODY AFFORD IT! On the odd time I do go though I make sure I have a whale of a time because it won’t happen again for a while- Money makes me happy

You know who says ‘Money doesn’t make you happy’? People with Money! I tell you now you take that Lamborghini away and replace it with a FIAT Punto and let’s see how happy you are then. Let’s take you out of the 6 bed 5 bath house and stick you in a high rise and see how overjoyed you are!

Now I’m not saying I want to be a billionaire (I do) but I wouldn’t turn down a mil or 2, for this reason, I will be winning the lotto soon!

Now I’m sure after reading this you’re going to think that girl is an idiot! Please don’t take this post literally, of course, money won’t solve all of your problems but it takes some of them away. It can also bring a lot of harm depending on how it’s spent so this is completely down to the person.

As a kid, we didn’t have a lot at all and I never felt hard done by at all but as an adult, it breaks my heart to think my parents would struggle in the ways they did financially but worked so hard for us not to see it.

Let me know what you think. Does money make you happy? Comments welcome!

Things they don’t tell women approaching 30….

Whilst I’m not actually dreading the big 30 there are some things I’ve learned as this age approaches that nobody told me. Let’s end on a high so I’ll start with the cons…..

  • Chin hair. Nobody told me as I enter my thirties I would start transitioning into a man! It started with one rogue hair (thicker and darker than I ever imagined would pop out of my face) now I’ve started to get a chin that to me looks like it’s made of velvet! There are all these little blonde fluffy friends appearing which I fear will turn black and I will end up looking like Beppe Di Marco from Eastenders!

  • Whilst we are on hair what are all these greys all about?! Why are they so thick? They feel like wire and as someone with dark hair there is no escaping them!
  • Bingo wings! Now these are obviously also due to being overweight but when I was 21 I could eat exactly what I want and not go over a size 10. Now I just think about crispy creams and put on 3lbs!
  • Droopy eyelids! I knew tits sagged but who knew my eyelids would also start to go south. I’m going to need to tape them up by 60 in order to be able to see!
  • Open pores. Why oh why oh why are open pores a thing! No amount of witch hazel is helping the appearance of these face craters. In fact this is a perfect time to thank Estée Lauder for double wear!

If you’re 21 and reading this please do not fear. There advantages to the ageing process too!!

  • No more getting asked for ID (although I always secretly hope someone will!).
  • You do not give a shit! I never used to leave the house without makeup. I will now leave looking like I’ve been sucked into a tornado and spat back out again for being too ugly! I just don’t care. I have nobody to impress!
  • You start to enjoy the little things in life like going to notcutts to pick herbs (true story).
  • You would rather go in than go out. This means you can still party with your mates except you’re in slippers and pyjamas with no makeup and your hair on top of your head!

I’m sure there are many more pro’s and cons so please do let me know what yours are? I’d love to hear what I have to look forward to.

Anyway gotta go I’ve got chin hairs to pluck!

How are you so strong?

I am constantly asked at the moment “How are you so strong after all you have been through?”.

For those who don’t know I lost my dad last year on March 10th 2018. It completely broke me to watch him deteriorate so quickly. 8 weeks later my mom went into cardiac arrest. Myself, my partner and her partner all took it in turns to do CPR, it was 7 minutes before she breathed again. She was taken to the hospital, put in a coma, transferred to intensive care, the same intensive care I watched my dad die in 8 weeks earlier 2 beds down from where he took his last breath. She made a miraculous recovery, came out of the hospital and whilst her memory wasn’t the same she seemed ok, she was still the mom we knew and loved. The most amazing woman. She told me I was put on this earth to save her as I’d also been on the phone to her while she was having a stroke some years before and stayed on the phone to keep her calm and told her what she needed to do.

On Sunday, February 17th 2019 I received the call that completely ripped me apart. My mom had suddenly died. I went into complete shock, I didn’t believe it, I still don’t believe it! My mom was the person id call hysterically crying when I was losing the plot over dads death! I suddenly felt so alone! I have my 2 sisters who are also heartbroken so I felt like I couldn’t call them or speak to them about it due to being too scared to upset them even more. I felt like such a failure, why wasn’t I there?! My mom had told me I was put on this earth to save her and I did nothing, had I have been there I could have done something. The lot has run through my head!

I would say I went into shock because I went back to work a week later and almost acted like nothing had happened, in my head, I thought I’ve just been through this so maybe I just know how to deal with it. A week later I sat in the doctors sobbing, honestly believing I had lost my mind. I was signed off work and took just over a week off. During this time I sat at home and was a complete mess. My Fiancee didn’t even know who I was I don’t think. I could barely speak, I didn’t want to speak, what did I have to talk about?!

As the following weeks have gone on I wouldn’t say I’m getting any stronger, I would say however I’m learning how to function. Some days I get up sobbing that I have to get dressed and go to work (maybe this is just me being lazy in all honesty), other days I think ‘Today is your day and you WILL make it a good one!’.

People say grief comes in waves and it absolutely does, no 2 days are the same. I think my biggest feeling currently is the feeling of being robbed. My whole life being ripped apart at 29, my parents will not see my walk down the aisle, meet my children, see our 14-year-old sister do her GCSE’S, see her pass her driving test, meet my older sisters future children. Just anything that could go through your mind has gone through mine.

So back to what this is about. People asking “How are you so strong?” the truth is I’m not. I’m not at all in fact. What I’m doing currently is surviving, existing, functioning.

What I need to be doing is LIVING! Living for the moment because trust me life is TOO SHORT! Whilst I have so much to completely crumble over I also have so much to LIVE for:

  • My sisters
  • My amazing Fiancee
  • My wedding
  • My honeymoon
  • Hopefully being lucky enough to have children
  • My in-laws (My mother in law to be is AMAZING! I’m not marrying into a mother/father in law from hell, that’s enough to be grateful for!)

My point is no matter what you are going through there are always things to live for!

Even if you’re truly at rock bottom you can live for the person you want to become, the person you CAN become. And if you don’t feel that way then speak to a doctor. There is absolutely zero shame in getting help because it is there if you need it.

My heart goes out to anyone who is going through anything similar or any form of grief, grief is grief and it bloody hurts but we have to keep on going. Over time we will learn to deal with these things. That does not mean we will ever forget! My parents are in my mind every single day and whilst life feels extremely cruel sometimes it does get easier. We must not feel guilty for smiling or moments of happiness (I know I have).

My mom had said to me that when anything happens to her she doesn’t want me crying and upset all the time like I was with Dad and I am trying my hardest to do that. If I can’t make my life a success for myself I will vow to do it for my angels who are watching over me and my sisters.

There are so many organisations and people to go to if you are going through the same. I’ve been given information for http://www.ataloss.org so it may be worth checking it out if you have the same going on.

That’s all I have to say for now.

Lots of love xx

 

Workouts are shite!

I’m not even going to introduce this post, it introduced itself.

Currently I’m in panic mode.

I’ve known this wedding was happening for a year and always said “for my wedding I want to look healthy and radiant bla bla bla”. So what have I done in the last 12 months to achieve this? The answer, I’ve sat on the sofa watching Netflix eating chocolate coated malted milk biscuits!

Yesterday we bit the bullet and went to the gym before work. Did the same today. Do not get me wrong I feel more energetic and as though we’ve achieved something. Nevertheless exercise is the devils work. I hated it when I was skinny in the distant past and I hate it now!

I’ve done stints at the gym in the past and let me ensure you I NEVER EVER got the bug! That feel good feeling! NEVER!

Honestly you people who eat everything and don’t gain weight. I hate every single thing about you!

It’s only day 2 and I’m already going on like I’ve climbed Kilimanjaro because I’ve done 3.5 minutes on a rowing machine! 🙄

Another downside, I woke up this morning and felt like I’d given a blue whale a piggy back from Scotland to Newquay!

Anyway I’ll keep at it until the wedding and hope for the best.

This post was in no way uplifting or encouraging and I completely own that but either way I’m wallowing in self pity.

P.s if anyone knows how I can lose a stone in a week while still stuffing my face with carbs and refined sugar please do let me know!

Ciao for now xx

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita

Like many of us, in my opinion, mostly females due to our raging hormones, I can be 10 different people in a single day!

I thought it may be a nice idea to take you through just some of my many personalities. I’m much like Kevin from the film split just less kidnappy.

Let’s start with the nicest to the darkest to the most annoying of my personalities. I thought it may be good to name them so going forwards Charlie can differentiate between who I am day to day and address me accordingly.

  1. Sarah
    Sarah has to be the nicest by default as Sarah was born angelic, was painfully shy as a child, a bit cheeky growing up but not shockingly. Sarah is someone who wakes up in the morning feeling positive, ready to take on the day and make things happen. Sarah meal preps, eats well, goes to yoga or does yoga DVD’s, looks presentable and smiles at EVERYONE. Sarah’s quite nice, Sarah also isn’t around much.
  2. Serena
    Serena is my fave and I flit between her, Sarah and Sandra mostly. It would seem the S’s are positives in my many personalities. This name was fitting because it means clear, tranquil, serene which is who this person is. Serena is a chiller she will watch a whole series of something in a day. Serena likes relaxing with friends or just chilling with Charlie. Serena will ignore her phone all day because she has no time for the drama. Serena like to go on walks with a view, go for picnics, sightsee etc. Serena doesn’t sweat the small stuff.
  3. Sandra
    Sandra seems to be in a good mood most of the time, she’s a lot like Sarah, shes made an effort with the way she looks, Sandra wears red lipstick and does hair ups when she’s feeling adventurous. Sandra has friends over for dinner and is a great host. Sandra is laughing and joking even when at the dinner table Charlie does everything in his power to mock Sandra and make her the butt of all of his jokes. Sandra sits quietly while Charlie tells people that she doesn’t do anything in the house, Sandra sits and smiles and looks at Charlie, Charlie knows he’s f**ked it at this point and again raises to the table that Sandra is unhappy and has given him the look. Of course, Sandra laughs this off, Sandra doesn’t want an atmosphere. The guests leave at this point Sandra turns into Bethany.
  4. Bethany
    Bethany is not let out of the house and for good reason. Bethany becomes enraged in a matter of seconds! Bethany actually makes herself more livid the more she vents. Bethany says what’s on her mind in a monotone voice, she’s smiling while she’s saying it, this is NOT a happy smile, this is a HOW F**KING DARE YOU smile. Bethany texts people outside of the group chat to rage about the group chat. Bethany has probably 2 friends that she vents too, it’s not good for many people to hear what Bethany has to say, she would be sectioned. Id actually like to take the time to thank the very few people who know Bethany, you guys are saints, apart from Charlie who is often the cause of Bethany.
  5. Caitlin
    She woke up in a bad mood. Caitlyn will ghost you for however long it takes for her to get over the fact that you pi**ed her off in a dream! Caitlin has road rage. Caitlin doesn’t have any patience. If you say something she disagrees with you’re automatically an idiot in her mind, Caitlin has NO more time you! Caitlin is a bit of a D**K HEAD!
  6. Georgia
    Georgia is going to cry at the drop of a hat. Georgia is so bloody emotional and has no idea why. Georgia sits and wallows and gets upset about all the terrible things happening in the world. Georgia overthinks and whilst she realises she is so lucky to have the life she does she just can’t stop crying. Georgia cries at BGT, X-Factor, Films, Songs, TV adverts and also just for no reason. I told Charlie that Georgia didn’t exist when I met him. I lied.
  7. Abigail
    Abigail is anxious about everything! Abigail really cares what everyone thinks. Abigail gets paranoid no one likes her. Abigail is very aware of all danger and is convinced something bad is going to happen. Abigail is the way you feel the day after a heavy drinking sesh. Abigail is a drain! We do not like Abigail at all!

I think now is a great time to point out I am NOT clinically insane although having written the above am beginning to doubt myself.

Id like to point out that my sympathy lies with anyone who has to deal with those who have to deal with a nutcase like me. I know I’m not alone, Id say 30% of my friends are equally mental. I’d also like to point out that most women like myself are thinking of 50 things at any one time, it’s how our brains are wired so we actually cannot help it. If anything, multiple personalities are just another way women can multi-task and for that, in reality, we are absolute superheroes!

Until next time, stay sain!

Pre Wedding Woes!

Your wedding day is meant to be the best day of your life! Its meant to be the day that you are at your happiest! How do I feel about it? Absolutely bricking it!

There is SO much planning involved and if your Fiancee is anything like mine then you are planning the entire thing single handily with the odd bit of input if he doesn’t like an idea! It’s a lot! If you’re new to this engagement malarky then you have your work cut out, there is SO MUCH to think about! I’m not scaremongering, I’m being real!

The planning has been ok, what’s not ok is how much everything costs! People, myself included go to weddings, have a great day but never really appreciate the amount of planning and money that has gone into it all unless you’ve already been married or currently planning.

Aside from the fact that I am completely skint from all the little shitty bits, you have to buy that NOBODY thinks about and kitting my bridesmaids out with outfits and hair accessories I have had a massive reality check that I still have so much to pay for and haven’t even looked at a dress.

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As a woman, for me and I know a lot of other brides my biggest anxiety at the moment is the fact I’m not losing weight. Its completely my fault I think I’m genuinely addicted to sugar! I’m fine all day, drink loads of water, have a light lunch but when I get home I turn into a rabid animal biting anything within my vicinity, its a surprise I haven’t eaten the groom to be quite honest! I literally have visions of me looking like a pig in a dress and them playing here comes the pig instead of here comes the bride! Oink!

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I know its ridiculous that we put SO much pressure on ourselves but its really stressing me out!

I do worry that all these little anxieties are going to make the day impossible to enjoy. If I’m worrying this much 7 months before, how am I going to relax on the day being consumed by worries everything will go wrong (which unfortunately is how my brain seems to work)?!

I’m also bricking it that I’m going to cry the whole way down the aisle because my Dad won’t be there (which I most likely will). I’m spending a fortune on makeup that I could quite possibly cry off in the first 10 minutes of the day!

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Another vision I’ve had is of me falling down the aisle. I am the most clumsy person known to man and can fully see myself on my arse within seconds of entering the chapel!

I’m making all of this sound really negative. Of course I’m excited! I have planned what I hope will be an amazing day and have really focused on everyone being entertained I just wish I could relax a bit!

I just need to take the viewpoint that what will be will be. If I look like a pig then ill just need to work it! If I cry the whole way down then just don’t take photos of me ugly crying! If I fall over I will laugh it off like my best mate Jennifer Lawrence!

If anyone else is in the same position as me at the moment, breathe and try and enjoy it!

P.S SEND HELP!!!!!!!!!!!