You’re 29 and you have no kids?!!!!

So, as I creep towards 30 i’m always asked “so…..when are you having one?!” Well firstly Sandra I like sleeping! How’s that going for you with your 3 sleep stealer’s waking you up at 3am, 5am and 7am? Because i’m getting 8 hours every night, sometimes 10!!!!

Why is it as you creep towards 30 so many people take an interest in my ovarian activity?! Shall I use your bowel movements as a conversation starter or is that intrusive “Are you regular Sandra?”.

Let me just point out a few things to those that actually have their s**t together….

1. I will wake up as late as physically possible, you cant snooze a baby for an hour to ‘come round’.
2. I already wash my hair as little as possible due to not feeling like an hour a day is a good use of time blow drying a head full of nano rings!
3. As above its lucky if it even gets brushed and YOU want ME to be solely responsible for raising a child.
4. I killed a cactus, a plant that is near enough un-killable, it died in my care, I loved it to death, I over fed it until it literally turned to mush. There is already an obesity epidemic without me bringing a new generation of over-eaters into this world.
5. I’ve been on a diet for 6 years and in that time gained 2 stone, baby weight is not something i’m prepared to try and conquer!

So Sandra, the answer to your question is NOT YET, now haven’t you got a school run to finish or something?!