Me and my emotional instability….

In my early teens I would get upset about little things, boys, not being allowed out past 9 (up until I was 16!), the fact I never asked for peas on my dinner but got them anyway! 🙄

Next came the stage of late teens where I was so incredibly insecure and looking for approval from everyone and anyone! I spent these years completely paranoid about what everyone thought, I drank lager and black (I fu***ng hate lager) because everyone else was drinking it. I didn’t want to be the only one with holding a watermelon Bacardi Breezer! Basically I was on a mission to fit in and follow the crowd.

Early twenties I completely gave up giving a sh**t and had no emotion whatsoever, an ice queen if you will.

Mid to late twenties is an entire different ball game. I was fully in a false sense of security, I think my ice queen days just stored emotion about basically everything which began pouring out around 24 when I met my now fiance.

I recall watching Britain’s Got Talent, the relationship was new, I had bragged about how I’m ‘not like other girls, I don’t get emotional’. What happened next shocked both of us and proved me to be a complete fraud. Bars and melody auditioned. 2 young lads with a dream to sing together. My eyes started burning, I panicked, within seconds I was sobbing, like snot crying! This was the point I realised I HAVE LOST MY MIND!

The following years it became clear I was to lead a life on emotional instability. Can I watch BGT without crying? NO! Can I watch The X factor without a sob or 2? NO! Can I get through a John Lewis Christmas ad in one piece? Absolutely not!

I have now reached a completely new low when my new ‘trigger’ has become hunger. Something that can be resolved literally in seconds but I let it eat me alive emotionally. The video to follow was literally last week. I’ve hit a brand new low of emotional instability! Please lord let my 30’s be less emotional!!!!!

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I'm 29 and literally clueless about mostly everything! I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! The thought of having children scares the life out of me, I can barely dress myself! Life basically seems like one big joke (because that's what I make it to disguise the fact that adulting petrifies me and is sooooo bleak!) except I have direct debits coming out of my eyeballs and nothing I say really seems to make any sort of sense! I crave excitement outside of seeing whats in my monthly Birchbox subscription. The ageing process is not being kind to me (the day I discovered a chin hair was a MAJOR low point!) My waist is rapidly expanding. My desire to be thin is ever increasing. My motivation to do anything about it is ever depleting. I have an inner need to buy budget gadgets that break or are completely useless and that desire never seems to fade, I literally have a house full of useless s**t!!! What is life?! I think its time for a Gin...................

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