A poem about being 29…

As I’ve got older I’ve got boring and dull

All I want is a gin and a belly that’s full

But food makes you fat and so does the gin

I’m starting to resemble a human dust bin

So I think it could be worse as I sit in my seat

Till I catch a glimpse of my massive crows feet

So I start to think sod it I don’t even care

Till I walk past a mirror and find another grey hair

Even then I think it really could be worse

Until I get to the till in the off licence and have no money in my purse

So from now on I say sod it, my only mission

Is to not give a shit and make more bad decisions

Its not like I’ve done anything else for the past 29

Stop telling me to grow up and pass me the wine!

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I'm 29 and literally clueless about mostly everything! I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! The thought of having children scares the life out of me, I can barely dress myself! Life basically seems like one big joke (because that's what I make it to disguise the fact that adulting petrifies me and is sooooo bleak!) except I have direct debits coming out of my eyeballs and nothing I say really seems to make any sort of sense! I crave excitement outside of seeing whats in my monthly Birchbox subscription. The ageing process is not being kind to me (the day I discovered a chin hair was a MAJOR low point!) My waist is rapidly expanding. My desire to be thin is ever increasing. My motivation to do anything about it is ever depleting. I have an inner need to buy budget gadgets that break or are completely useless and that desire never seems to fade, I literally have a house full of useless s**t!!! What is life?! I think its time for a Gin...................

2 thoughts on “A poem about being 29…”

  1. wait till you get to 44 im thinking the same shit as you do at 29, you are to young to be thinking that sarah, chin hair get the fucking wax pot out weekly and keep a pair of tweezers in the car when they show up better in the light and mirror, you get bags under your eyes that you just noticed and think how did they get there shit im old, i even got offered a health check from the doctors as im over 40 and yes pass me alcohol any thing will do meths lol life is a bitch xxx


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