I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita

Like many of us, in my opinion, mostly females due to our raging hormones, I can be 10 different people in a single day!

I thought it may be a nice idea to take you through just some of my many personalities. I’m much like Kevin from the film split just less kidnappy.

Let’s start with the nicest to the darkest to the most annoying of my personalities. I thought it may be good to name them so going forwards Charlie can differentiate between who I am day to day and address me accordingly.

  1. Sarah
    Sarah has to be the nicest by default as Sarah was born angelic, was painfully shy as a child, a bit cheeky growing up but not shockingly. Sarah is someone who wakes up in the morning feeling positive, ready to take on the day and make things happen. Sarah meal preps, eats well, goes to yoga or does yoga DVD’s, looks presentable and smiles at EVERYONE. Sarah’s quite nice, Sarah also isn’t around much.
  2. Serena
    Serena is my fave and I flit between her, Sarah and Sandra mostly. It would seem the S’s are positives in my many personalities. This name was fitting because it means clear, tranquil, serene which is who this person is. Serena is a chiller she will watch a whole series of something in a day. Serena likes relaxing with friends or just chilling with Charlie. Serena will ignore her phone all day because she has no time for the drama. Serena like to go on walks with a view, go for picnics, sightsee etc. Serena doesn’t sweat the small stuff.
  3. Sandra
    Sandra seems to be in a good mood most of the time, she’s a lot like Sarah, shes made an effort with the way she looks, Sandra wears red lipstick and does hair ups when she’s feeling adventurous. Sandra has friends over for dinner and is a great host. Sandra is laughing and joking even when at the dinner table Charlie does everything in his power to mock Sandra and make her the butt of all of his jokes. Sandra sits quietly while Charlie tells people that she doesn’t do anything in the house, Sandra sits and smiles and looks at Charlie, Charlie knows he’s f**ked it at this point and again raises to the table that Sandra is unhappy and has given him the look. Of course, Sandra laughs this off, Sandra doesn’t want an atmosphere. The guests leave at this point Sandra turns into Bethany.
  4. Bethany
    Bethany is not let out of the house and for good reason. Bethany becomes enraged in a matter of seconds! Bethany actually makes herself more livid the more she vents. Bethany says what’s on her mind in a monotone voice, she’s smiling while she’s saying it, this is NOT a happy smile, this is a HOW F**KING DARE YOU smile. Bethany texts people outside of the group chat to rage about the group chat. Bethany has probably 2 friends that she vents too, it’s not good for many people to hear what Bethany has to say, she would be sectioned. Id actually like to take the time to thank the very few people who know Bethany, you guys are saints, apart from Charlie who is often the cause of Bethany.
  5. Caitlin
    She woke up in a bad mood. Caitlyn will ghost you for however long it takes for her to get over the fact that you pi**ed her off in a dream! Caitlin has road rage. Caitlin doesn’t have any patience. If you say something she disagrees with you’re automatically an idiot in her mind, Caitlin has NO more time you! Caitlin is a bit of a D**K HEAD!
  6. Georgia
    Georgia is going to cry at the drop of a hat. Georgia is so bloody emotional and has no idea why. Georgia sits and wallows and gets upset about all the terrible things happening in the world. Georgia overthinks and whilst she realises she is so lucky to have the life she does she just can’t stop crying. Georgia cries at BGT, X-Factor, Films, Songs, TV adverts and also just for no reason. I told Charlie that Georgia didn’t exist when I met him. I lied.
  7. Abigail
    Abigail is anxious about everything! Abigail really cares what everyone thinks. Abigail gets paranoid no one likes her. Abigail is very aware of all danger and is convinced something bad is going to happen. Abigail is the way you feel the day after a heavy drinking sesh. Abigail is a drain! We do not like Abigail at all!

I think now is a great time to point out I am NOT clinically insane although having written the above am beginning to doubt myself.

Id like to point out that my sympathy lies with anyone who has to deal with those who have to deal with a nutcase like me. I know I’m not alone, Id say 30% of my friends are equally mental. I’d also like to point out that most women like myself are thinking of 50 things at any one time, it’s how our brains are wired so we actually cannot help it. If anything, multiple personalities are just another way women can multi-task and for that, in reality, we are absolute superheroes!

Until next time, stay sain!

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I'm 29 and literally clueless about mostly everything! I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up! The thought of having children scares the life out of me, I can barely dress myself! Life basically seems like one big joke (because that's what I make it to disguise the fact that adulting petrifies me and is sooooo bleak!) except I have direct debits coming out of my eyeballs and nothing I say really seems to make any sort of sense! I crave excitement outside of seeing whats in my monthly Birchbox subscription. The ageing process is not being kind to me (the day I discovered a chin hair was a MAJOR low point!) My waist is rapidly expanding. My desire to be thin is ever increasing. My motivation to do anything about it is ever depleting. I have an inner need to buy budget gadgets that break or are completely useless and that desire never seems to fade, I literally have a house full of useless s**t!!! What is life?! I think its time for a Gin...................

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