I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita

Like many of us, in my opinion, mostly females due to our raging hormones, I can be 10 different people in a single day!

I thought it may be a nice idea to take you through just some of my many personalities. I’m much like Kevin from the film split just less kidnappy.

Let’s start with the nicest to the darkest to the most annoying of my personalities. I thought it may be good to name them so going forwards Charlie can differentiate between who I am day to day and address me accordingly.

  1. Sarah
    Sarah has to be the nicest by default as Sarah was born angelic, was painfully shy as a child, a bit cheeky growing up but not shockingly. Sarah is someone who wakes up in the morning feeling positive, ready to take on the day and make things happen. Sarah meal preps, eats well, goes to yoga or does yoga DVD’s, looks presentable and smiles at EVERYONE. Sarah’s quite nice, Sarah also isn’t around much.
  2. Serena
    Serena is my fave and I flit between her, Sarah and Sandra mostly. It would seem the S’s are positives in my many personalities. This name was fitting because it means clear, tranquil, serene which is who this person is. Serena is a chiller she will watch a whole series of something in a day. Serena likes relaxing with friends or just chilling with Charlie. Serena will ignore her phone all day because she has no time for the drama. Serena like to go on walks with a view, go for picnics, sightsee etc. Serena doesn’t sweat the small stuff.
  3. Sandra
    Sandra seems to be in a good mood most of the time, she’s a lot like Sarah, shes made an effort with the way she looks, Sandra wears red lipstick and does hair ups when she’s feeling adventurous. Sandra has friends over for dinner and is a great host. Sandra is laughing and joking even when at the dinner table Charlie does everything in his power to mock Sandra and make her the butt of all of his jokes. Sandra sits quietly while Charlie tells people that she doesn’t do anything in the house, Sandra sits and smiles and looks at Charlie, Charlie knows he’s f**ked it at this point and again raises to the table that Sandra is unhappy and has given him the look. Of course, Sandra laughs this off, Sandra doesn’t want an atmosphere. The guests leave at this point Sandra turns into Bethany.
  4. Bethany
    Bethany is not let out of the house and for good reason. Bethany becomes enraged in a matter of seconds! Bethany actually makes herself more livid the more she vents. Bethany says what’s on her mind in a monotone voice, she’s smiling while she’s saying it, this is NOT a happy smile, this is a HOW F**KING DARE YOU smile. Bethany texts people outside of the group chat to rage about the group chat. Bethany has probably 2 friends that she vents too, it’s not good for many people to hear what Bethany has to say, she would be sectioned. Id actually like to take the time to thank the very few people who know Bethany, you guys are saints, apart from Charlie who is often the cause of Bethany.
  5. Caitlin
    She woke up in a bad mood. Caitlyn will ghost you for however long it takes for her to get over the fact that you pi**ed her off in a dream! Caitlin has road rage. Caitlin doesn’t have any patience. If you say something she disagrees with you’re automatically an idiot in her mind, Caitlin has NO more time you! Caitlin is a bit of a D**K HEAD!
  6. Georgia
    Georgia is going to cry at the drop of a hat. Georgia is so bloody emotional and has no idea why. Georgia sits and wallows and gets upset about all the terrible things happening in the world. Georgia overthinks and whilst she realises she is so lucky to have the life she does she just can’t stop crying. Georgia cries at BGT, X-Factor, Films, Songs, TV adverts and also just for no reason. I told Charlie that Georgia didn’t exist when I met him. I lied.
  7. Abigail
    Abigail is anxious about everything! Abigail really cares what everyone thinks. Abigail gets paranoid no one likes her. Abigail is very aware of all danger and is convinced something bad is going to happen. Abigail is the way you feel the day after a heavy drinking sesh. Abigail is a drain! We do not like Abigail at all!

I think now is a great time to point out I am NOT clinically insane although having written the above am beginning to doubt myself.

Id like to point out that my sympathy lies with anyone who has to deal with those who have to deal with a nutcase like me. I know I’m not alone, Id say 30% of my friends are equally mental. I’d also like to point out that most women like myself are thinking of 50 things at any one time, it’s how our brains are wired so we actually cannot help it. If anything, multiple personalities are just another way women can multi-task and for that, in reality, we are absolute superheroes!

Until next time, stay sain!

Pre Wedding Woes!

Your wedding day is meant to be the best day of your life! Its meant to be the day that you are at your happiest! How do I feel about it? Absolutely bricking it!

There is SO much planning involved and if your Fiancee is anything like mine then you are planning the entire thing single handily with the odd bit of input if he doesn’t like an idea! It’s a lot! If you’re new to this engagement malarky then you have your work cut out, there is SO MUCH to think about! I’m not scaremongering, I’m being real!

The planning has been ok, what’s not ok is how much everything costs! People, myself included go to weddings, have a great day but never really appreciate the amount of planning and money that has gone into it all unless you’ve already been married or currently planning.

Aside from the fact that I am completely skint from all the little shitty bits, you have to buy that NOBODY thinks about and kitting my bridesmaids out with outfits and hair accessories I have had a massive reality check that I still have so much to pay for and haven’t even looked at a dress.

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As a woman, for me and I know a lot of other brides my biggest anxiety at the moment is the fact I’m not losing weight. Its completely my fault I think I’m genuinely addicted to sugar! I’m fine all day, drink loads of water, have a light lunch but when I get home I turn into a rabid animal biting anything within my vicinity, its a surprise I haven’t eaten the groom to be quite honest! I literally have visions of me looking like a pig in a dress and them playing here comes the pig instead of here comes the bride! Oink!

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I know its ridiculous that we put SO much pressure on ourselves but its really stressing me out!

I do worry that all these little anxieties are going to make the day impossible to enjoy. If I’m worrying this much 7 months before, how am I going to relax on the day being consumed by worries everything will go wrong (which unfortunately is how my brain seems to work)?!

I’m also bricking it that I’m going to cry the whole way down the aisle because my Dad won’t be there (which I most likely will). I’m spending a fortune on makeup that I could quite possibly cry off in the first 10 minutes of the day!

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Another vision I’ve had is of me falling down the aisle. I am the most clumsy person known to man and can fully see myself on my arse within seconds of entering the chapel!

I’m making all of this sound really negative. Of course I’m excited! I have planned what I hope will be an amazing day and have really focused on everyone being entertained I just wish I could relax a bit!

I just need to take the viewpoint that what will be will be. If I look like a pig then ill just need to work it! If I cry the whole way down then just don’t take photos of me ugly crying! If I fall over I will laugh it off like my best mate Jennifer Lawrence!

If anyone else is in the same position as me at the moment, breathe and try and enjoy it!

P.S SEND HELP!!!!!!!!!!!