Why is it wrong to be selfish?!

I’ve found myself lately questioning everyone else’s expectations of me.

How many times have we all been told we are selfish? How many times are we being told to also look after ourselves, put ourselves first? Bit of a contradiction?!

For someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I can tell you now every decision I make I think about how other people are perceiving it, judge it, talk about it etc.

Well, I’m making a stand to say who gives a shit?!

The definition of selfish is: ‘(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.’

So if I’m having a terrible day and don’t turn up at your party or event yes I am ‘concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure’ because, why shouldn’t I be. If I’m having a day were leaving the house is going to make me miserable and anxious why am I forcing myself, literally feeling sick, because I don’t want to upset people? Who is being selfish in this situation? Why can’t I be selfish?

I’m actually self-titled ‘a flake’ now because I was so sick of other people calling it to me for not turning up. How would you react if I said, I’m having a really low day, I’m not feeling up to it? Guarantee the response is, ‘come on it will cheer you up’. Really?! Will it?! Are you being selfish wanting me there to make up numbers or am I being selfish not coming because I’m having a bad day?

People don’t think twice to ask you to do something for them? Is that being selfish, or am I being selfish if I say no, I haven’t got the time? Are they being selfish knowing ill say yes because I never want to let anyone down?

If I’m having a party and I ask you to BOYB am I selfish for not supplying you all with alcohol or are you selfish turning up empty-handed expecting me to pay for the £30 bottle of gin you’re about to drink? Or am I selfish for throwing a party without having the financial capability to fully cater to everyone?

People leave relationships because they are not happy, some for many years. What do people call them? Selfish. Please explain why? Because they have put themselves first for once?! Or were they ‘concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit’.

People move to other countries, towns, cities whatever, they are called selfish for leaving their families and not being there at the drop of a hat. Is it not more selfish to not let them go and further themselves because again they have put themselves first for once?! Yet again is this them being ‘concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit’.

If I have people over for dinner am I selfish for not inviting the entire friendship group?

Where does it end?!

I’m sick of overthinking EVERYTHING out of fear of pissing someone off!

Next time you throw the word SELFISH at someone stop and think. Are they selfish or are they putting themselves first for once in their life? I for one will be taking SELFISH as a compliment from now on because for once in my life I’m putting myself and my needs first!

P.S if you have invited me to any of your parties there is a 50/50 chance of me coming.

Ciao for now!

If my dreams are a representation of my mental state then I’ve lost it!

I don’t know about anyone else but I wake up more tired than when I went to bed!

I literally have the most bizarre dreams that seem so real and seem to have absolutely no relevance to anything ever!

I am also that person that the meme refers to. If I dream that my fiancée cheated on me I genuinely can’t look at him in the morning! The level of outrage I feel that he would EVER do THAT to me is unreal. I can’t separate the fact it was a dream because I saw it with my own eyes (kind of). He will literally wake up and say “morning babe” to be met with “DO NOT SPEAK TO ME!”. I explain what he did. He looks at me like I’m mental. He laughs. My rage grows. We don’t talk until I’ve rationalised which is usually about an hour into getting to work and thinking about nothing else!

This, for once, is not a case of ‘double standards’. If I’ve had a ‘disloyalty dream’ shall we say 😂 I can’t look at him. He will ask what’s wrong over and over until I blurt out “I CHEATED ON YOU!” He looks at me with confusion which is the response to most things I say in which I speedily tell him about my dream, how sorry I am and how bad I feel. He normally laughs and walks off.

I used to have a recurring dream when I was at school that I would turn up without my skirt on. Fully dressed except I just had pants on but only noticed once I’ve got to school. The same applied to no shoes. I’d walk into the playground with nothing on my feet. I remember I would wake up and still be mortified all morning even though it never actually happened.

It would appear since an early age I’ve really let dreams affect me. It would also appear with age they have become a thousand times more bizarre. Oh and yes I am 100% that person who Googles their dreams in the morning looking for all the answers to my semi conscious woes.

To summarise. I think I’ve lost it! Let me know if you have any weird dreams. Especially those recurring ones that won’t go away. 💭 😴